a day off….

 

I can feel myself running on the inside again….

As I look around, there is always something to do.  Laundry to move, closets to reorganize, dishes to wash, clutter to put away or rid of, a newsletter to write, production to meet, people to phone back, emails to respond to….the list goes on and on,  and on and on.

Work is never done. The tedious list of tasks does not include a pajama day, or a “day off”…to do whatever you please!  I have held a job since I was 13. My work performance has guided and defined me. Like a boss in charge of a slave. And provided that I keep moving at the pace she defines for me, I am rewarded with messages that say:  “You are such a hard worker, and you shall never be accused of being lazy.”  She further blows her horn sounding that I am capable, and that I can “earn my keep”.  I may run ragged at the end of a day, week or year, but I can stand on what I accomplished.  Living for performance is a long and lonely road that leads to wastelands called weariness and fatigue.  When I face the restlessness inside,  I find myself running from thing to thing, room to room, idea to idea in hopes to escape the restlessness that lives inside.  I need to change the voices that I have listened to for so long. 

As  I sit with the restlessness today in my pajamas, and just let myself be, something inside of me is beginning to relax.  The tension is easing.  I can hear my heart more clearly.

Team work

I am working on a post to go out Saturday on team work!
Happy new year…
hope you are all well!

Storie

I am thankful for…YOU!

How was everyone’s Thanksgiving?  I wish that we could all have sat around a HUGE table and shared a wonderful meal…stories and all.

What is your favorite pie?

What are you most thankful for?

I miss you, my blog friends, and I am thankful for all of you…who you are and what you add to the lives of others.  My favorite pie?  Chocolate creme…..

Where do you run?

What do you do when you’re strugging.  you can’t reach that certain person on the phone [that you think might help]  

Where do you run?

my papa…

It’s the little things that he does that says I love you in a big way.  This man with a huge heart.  He just seems to do what is right.  I can always count on him. I have learned through him a love that stays, a love that is gentle yet strong, and a love that sets it’s own ambitions aside to serve his family.

He has made so many adjustments for his family.  His wife has had kidney failure since she was 32.  Three failed transplants, and 30 years later, she is on dialysis, confined to a wheel chair, and relies on him for much of her care.  Through the years I have watched him lovingly and carefully remodel whatever needs to be done to make the home accessible for her wheelchair, including remodeling the living space, their bedroom and the bathrooms.  He has added hot and cold pedals to the floor below the kitchen sink, so she can reach them.  He remodeled all of the cupboards and rearranged the dishes, so she can reach the plates, cups and silverware.  He wanted her to be able to set the table…something important to a woman.  He built her a small porch, added a door out of her bedroom so she could get out to the back patio, wheel down the ramp, and sit in the sun.  Why?  Because she is always cold, and he knows how good it feels for her to sit in the sun while she does her cross word puzzle.  He made a planter at her chair height and planted strawberries.  He plants a garden every year and tends to it himself.  He has talked of making garden beds for her, so she can wheel around and help with the planting and weeding.  

Last Monday papa and mom (my inlaws) called to tell us that he had been to the Doctor’s that day.  The angiogram revealed that he would need to go in immediately for heart surgery on Friday for a 5 way bipass.  The news was sudden for us.   We all gathered around pops and made the necessary arrangements, including his post care, and what would need to be done for mom.  He came over the night before the surgery to tell us what the Doctor has said in pre-op, and to reassure all of us that he was ready to go through the surgery, and that it would all go well.  Once again, he was reassuring all of us, and drying tears of the little ones. 

 He had open heart surgery Friday.  and pulled through like a champ.  The Doctor’s were pleased that instead of a 5-way , he only needed a 3-way.  When I went to see him in CCU afterwards, he lay there so peacefully.  The breathing tube was still in, and what seemed a bizillion other tubes…. I reached under the warming blanket and held his hand for a moment.  I love him so much.  He is my hero.  He has shown me what it means to love.

 I am blessed to be married to his son, a man that also lives out love everyday.  From papa to son.  What a heritage.  What a gift.

I am a rich woman.

afraid to write

I feel afraid to write.  Afraid that I may say the wrong thing. afraid that I may say too much, or not enough… afraid that i will not respond soon enough, or in other cases, too quickly.  I am afraid of hurting others, being misunderstood or letting others down.  

YES, I am a people pleaser.  I want to help others, make the way easier, will take on anothers burden as my own, and go even as far as to take the blame for things I know I am not guilty of.

So, i am stepping out today and confronting my own fears.

that’s all I have to say for today.

He came for us…and He continues to persue us

As I sat down at the piano to put music to the lyrics,  a few changes emerged.

The main truth being emphasized that He captures our hearts…..to set them free!!!

 

You illuminate the hollows in my soul

with the penetrating light of your truth

you breathe….

a gentle breath that warms me from within

it is healing and strangely I feel safe

it beckons my heart and soul

to find rest in your strong arms

You have persued me

for as long as I can remember

You proclaim that I am your treasure….

and that you will come for me again for me

as long as it takes

 

You break through the dungeon doors  

that have held my thoughts captive

unraveling the lies that have become  part of the fabric,

one at a time:

strands of rejection have left me alone over and over

cords of abandon have silenced me

 

In my confinement You came for me

to capture my heart

to set it free

just to be

me

You continue to persue me

to remind me of your love

to show me something more

Capture me again, oh God

 

 

Nothing can seperate us from the love of God…..

 

So, I twisted my ankle, yet again, and have been laid up a bit for the past week.  No, I wasn’t bungie jumping, or sky-diving.  I slipped on water on the kitchen floor.  Off to the Drs office for xrays.  No brake, just a severe spraign.  And not as bad as the last one 2 years ago, that resulted in 8 weeks of PT.

The day before I was sitting on my couch with my leg elevated, really quite mad about everything.  I wish I could say that I was singing praises to God, and just so thankful for this time down.  But no.  I was frustrated.  I was impatient.  I like to do things myself.  I don’t want to run on other’s time clocks.

My sweet husband was trying to give me a pep talk about how I could still do so much.  that is was “just an ankle”  I was venting that I couldn’t do this, couldn’t do that…yadayada ya da….

“I just want to go for a run!!” I burst out in frustration.

So you know what he did?  He pumped up my tahiti and put it into the pool.  He tied it to one end of the pool, helped me get in, and handed me the paddle.   

You should of seen it…I was paddling like mad.  I was talking it over with God that sometimes this is exactly how I feel:  Like I work so hard, and get nowhere!!  After about 20 minutes, I lay back in the tahiti and sunned myself.  I did feel better.

The next day I began to thank God for what I had.  Because, truly, I have so much.

I had a wedding to attend a few days later.  I managed to hobble around on my crutches.  But I was a little uneasy because I had to have my daughters do everything for me.  I didn’t get to dance, and I couldn’t very easily mingle.  I felt kind of useless.

Then there came the daddy-daughter dance. It stirred emotions deep within me so much that I had to get up and go give the mother of the bride (a dear long-time friend of mine) a hug.

As we were hugging, she whispered in my ear, “We wouldn’t be here as a family, if it weren’t for how God used you in our lives.”

In that very moment, I was brought to my knees in humility.  Tears filled my eyes as we embraced eachother.  Later that night, the father of the bride, also a dear friend of my husband and myself, approached me to say thank you.

Little did I know that in that season 10 years prior would God use me to uplift this couple in one of the most difficult challenges of their marraige.

If he can use me, he can use any of us that are willing to be used and motivated by LOVE.

We can all make a difference, one moment, one day, one person, one couple, one child, at a time.

 Do you believe that your life can make a difference?

Thanksgiving

I can hardly believe that summer is almost over….and  that Fall is on it’s way. I love the change, the colors, the smells…. 

pumpkin and spice, fall leaves in all colors, new books, sharp pencils, a time of reflection and renewal.

As I was reading while on the eliptical machine at the gym a few days ago,  I came across a sentence in the book that gave me hope.  It was as though my spirit was taking a deep breath.

“75% of the three hundred world-class leaders in a recent study were raised in poverty, had been abused as children, or had some serious physical disability.”

wow….

This book has brought light to the lives of so many people and their stories.  It makes me grateful for what I have, and even a renewed purpose for where I have been, and my past.  

(quoted from Zig Ziglar’s Over the Top)

I am looking foward to thanksgiving holiday.  But today and tomorrow and the day after will be a day of thanksgiving as well. 

I hope you are all well.

Storie

healing….

I am missing you all!

It is amazing to me how resiliant the human spirit is.   

Here’s what I have been up to:

I have been exercising again….moving it–(my bod) on the treadmill!  Stretching on my foam roller….it all feels SO good.  I have been cooking food ahead of time to make sure we are all eating healthy through out the week.  I have been setting up coffee dates with my friends and team.  I have begun working my business again.   My mom and I decided to do a devotional study together.  (day 2 is tomorrow)

I am reminded in this new season that:

The human spirit is resiliant.   Joy does come in the morning.  Great is His faithfulness.  Morning by morning, new mercies we see. 

and I am thankful.

I miss hearing from you.  What are you up to ?