from an angry tide…

 

I don’t know when the road of our lives took a turn, but the bend in that road sent us on a very long and difficult journey.  I can talk about these things because I have moved past them and they are behind me now.  God’s healing hand has lessened the pain as we have traveled beyond it.

I can remember those five years so vividly.  The chronic pain, the migraines that came up out of no where.  I was in a prison of pain that I had no choice but to accept.  They controlled me…and I was anything but present with my family.  What kind of mom was I?  What kind of wife?

I was going through a momento box a couple of days ago.  my girls artwork, awards, calendars, you name it, it was there.  There was one book in particular that i knew i would come across.  It was a book Kaylie had made in second grade.  The cover read, “what are your parents doing right now?”

some moms were drawn watching Jerry Springer, others at the computer (that would be Tam:–) HA HA!!)

Others were at work.

Me?  The picture was an arial view of our home.  I was in bed…….listless, useless, broken inside and out.

That time in my life was not only physically excruciating, but emotionally as well.  The doctors had no answers, and my tribe  was tending to me as I should have been doing for them.  

laundry, cooking, cleaning, errands, you name it….they did it all.

I was still working 3 days a week as a hygienist at the time for an Oral Surgeon’s office.  I loved my work, my people, my patients.  but i felt so unreliable in this season.  so out of control.

After careful consideration and prayer, i met with one of my doctors one morning.  This is what they said.  “you take whatever you need.  we are here for you.  You let us know if there is anything we can do.  You just take care of you.”   I requested a 6 week leave of absence.  they granted it, no questions asked.

  A few minutes after that conversation with Dr. L,  I received an unexpected call at work.  It was Sean, my husband telling me that Jess, our middlest had fallen at the skate rink and broke her arm.  She would need surgery to correct the brake.  My doctors told me that I needed to go and be with my family.

On the drive home, I was curious about what God was up to.  I could sense Him all over this situation.  When I arrived at the hospital, Jessie was mildly sedated and anxious to just get the surgery over with so she could “go home.”  We prayed together.  She asked me to read Psalm 23 to her.  “you know mom, the scripture with ‘yea thou I walk through the valley of the shadow of death one?’ 

Jess flew through the surgery with no complications.  The doctor came out shortly after, and said, “what a brave little girl you have there.  She is only 7 and was a better patient than most of my adult patients!”  We weren’t surprised.   He proceded to tell us that she would be in a full arm cast for 6 WEEKS.  those words 6 WEEKS resonated in my head. 

What was God up to here?

We got home and I snuggled my girl in.  I made her a bed in the living room.  I knew it would be the place where we would be camped out for the next several days.  

I was thankful that I would be able to be able to be home with her.  GOD knew.  He also knew that I was hurting…neck, shoulders, head. 

He knew I was feeling hopeless that so much time had passed and i had no answers.  what if i never had an answer?  what if no doctor could figure this out?  how could i live like this?

“God”, I cried, “I need to know that you are here in this place with me.”

I looked up, and grabbed one of my favorite books off the shelf.  I opened it up, not looking for anything.   The chapter title read, “interview your anger“

It was the story of a woman and her broken relationship with her mom.  She referred to God’s healing as the breaking of a bone, (the reference was making a crooked path straight)  setting it in the cast, and then allowing time for the bone to heal.

I closed the book.  I knew He was saying that He was here…ever present with me.  I felt His peace within the angry tide of my emotions.

That was the only life preserver I had to hold onto that night.

Little did I know that the next 6 weeks would take me on a journey that I would never forget…….

a journey that I would never cease to talk of.  His faithfulness.  His healing touch, that would leave me forever changed.

more to tell of His faithfulness,

storie