“And he arose, and rebuked the wind, and said unto the sea, Peace be still.  And the wind ceased, and there was a great calm.”           

Mark 4:39 

I called that morning to make an appointment with yet another doctor.  I had seen so many in the past year:  neurologists, osteopaths, physical therapists, dentists, chiropractors…..none had any answeres.  I was tired.  too weak.  I didn’t want another bandaid: medications that masked my symptoms,  I wanted answers.  but no one had any.    When I scheduled an appointment that morning, like so many appointments before, they wouldn’t be able to see me for at least 6 weeks.  I would be back to work by then.   

I hung up the phone feeling frustrated.  A short while later the phone rang.  It was one of my employers, Dr. L calling to check in with me.  He reminded me that if there was anything they could do, to let them know.  I explained my frustration with not being able to get in with the neurologist for 6 weeks.  He said to me, “give me a few minutes, and I will call you right back.”

the previous years had been full of waiting rooms and no answers.  Osteopaths took one look at my neck and head x-rays  and said, “you are really messed up.”  MRI’s, Cat Scans, blood work.  One opinion, and then a second.  and a third, and a fourth.  no conclusive answer.  Yes, you are messed up.  we can help mask your symptoms.  I can refer you to…..

I felt like the woman with the issue of blood.  years and years of doctors and seeking help…. she lead a lonely life, dying in her disease.

Physical therapists couldn’t even touch the muscles without sending them into acute spasm.  Eventually i trusted no one and would allow no one to touch me.  My physical state represented a spiritual condition. 

a call to surrender.  

Within 15 minutes he called back to tell me that he spoke with the neurologist himself, and they would see me 2 days later.  Dr. L told me that a year or 2 before, the neurologists son had been in an accident, and the he (dr L) was the treating surgeon.  His favor never ceased to amaze me.

reach out, Storie.  touch the hem of my garment……

it was a faint whisper deep within.

Once again, I was reminded that God was near, very near.  He continued to give me hope in the eye of the storm.

surrender?  never.

Inside this cacoon of pain, I continued to wrestle.  One night I was in so much pain that I said some things out of anger to Sean.  I then got in the car and drove.  I didn’t have any idea where I was going…just running.  and you know what?  the farther I drove, the worse the pain got, until I knew I had to turn back toward home, or I wouldn’t be able to drive myself back.  I was past the point of no return.  I pushed myself too far, once again.  The pain now  owned me.  I was no longer in control.  I was in it’s cruel vice.  

 I got home barely in time to make it to the bathroom where I would vomit and dry heave for hours.    I spent the remainder of the night on the cold tile floor of the bathroom. I was comforted by nothing other than His words that he would never leave me nor forsake me.  nor would he give me any more than i could handle, and that though i walk through the valley of the shadow of death, he was with me.  i was to fear no evil.  deep in my spirit, I was starving for his truth. that little girl in me was inside a dungeon that i had made for her, starving for bread and a cup of cold water. 

Exhaused from the pain, I had no fight in me left. 

 I was to weak to run.

it was here that i allowed God to minister to me.  all of me….

more coming,

Storie